I was an old maid. I had turned 43 a couple of months back and was still a virgin.The management of Schwanger's Resort had just promoted me to Director of Administration. It was a darn good job for a woman and I was darn good at my job, efficient at handling mountains of paperwork. Good old steady and reliable Josie Carpenter. Dull and boring, perhaps, but morally upright, never taking a risk, never a wrong step, always predictable. "Holy Jo" they called me behind my back, never dreaming that dark undercurrents roiled my emotions and disturbed my sleep.My parents had brought me up to be virtuous and respectable, and I hadn't disappointed them. Oh, there had been temptations now and then, like the time I almost got engaged to that handsome seminary student back before the war. When we had kissed I felt all soft and squishy inside. But then came the guilt and I couldn't go any farther. I was still curious though. Curious about these feelings that still swept over me, now and again.. Now how long that lasted I have no idea of the time at that point, but a further even more agonizing euphoria came over me as I tried my best to fight against it, only to make it rush through my mind and body even harder and far far worse.Then suddenly total and complete tranquil peace came over me, so strong and so direct it was I believe I actually began laughing at least that seemed to me like that’s what I was doing and hell who really knows I was at that point totally fucked up.Finally things seemed to settle back down but that strong euphoric feeling sure as hell didn’t, it got worse far far worse.Thinking on it now, she had to do it. Why you ask? Well the healing cannot start until you totally and absolutely release that which is sickening you! Think about it? Pneumonia cannot heal until your fed full of antibiotics and things to stop your lungs from filling with fluid right.Well that same exact way of healing mentally applies just the same.In order for your mind to heal from.
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